Self-Awareness is needed to live as our Self

Nov 15, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

I wonder…

How many decisions do you make through your child energy?

How much of your life is lived now, without question, through the rules you accepted and followed as a child?

As I pondered these questions it dawned on me, at an even deeper level than I knew already, that until and unless we can live through self-awareness we are in effect making all our decisions in life based on the rules we have in place and these rules were designed, formed and hardwired through our child energy – and by child I am including the years towards our 20’s rather than just to the age of 7!

The consequences of this are huge. It means that we make the decisions about our life through the ‘perceived wisdom’ of our parents, their parents and so forth. Of course, what constitutes perceived wisdom for them may not be wise for us – yet we continue without question. Our sense of family and loyalty, our attachment to religious doctrine or our schooling, and of course our need to fit in to our social groups make it even harder for us to stand up straight and say ‘is this really right for me?’ We, exist, experiencing a sense of incompleteness, maybe a gap or void that cannot be filled, or a sense of being out of alignment, like the child looking to the parent to solve the problem. It can lead to indecision because deep down we know we are out of alignment with our true self – so we cannot decide until we live as our self.

It is in the raising of our self-awareness that we begin to question, challenge, evolve ourselves and transform our world. It is through our awareness that we begin to live out our life, in a way that is right for us. It is through our awareness that we can take the action that is needed to lead us to inner peace, happiness and a true sense of personal success in life. It is through our awareness that we can take the great teachings forward with us and drop the perceptual garbage that isn’t right for us.

What can you become aware of today – that you already know deep down inside, if you are really honest with yourself?

Be Strong! Resistance to our Vulnerability

Nov 12, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

So often we talk about the need to be strong. To be strong for others. To be strong when we are feeling emotionally out of sorts. To be strong when things aren’t going to plan. But what does it mean to be strong and what are the consequences?

We are, as human beings, inherently vulnerable and deep down inside every aspect of our body, mind, emotion and spirit knows this is a fact. Our greatest threat is to our physical self, which is why death is something that we struggle to conceive of and we are becoming more and more fearful to walk the streets at night, just in case we are attacked. We fight others, abuse others and compete against others to prove to ourselves that we are stronger, fitter, better than others, which leads us into the illusion that we are less vulnerable. Yet, deep down, nothing has really changed, because no matter which way we try to cut the cake the ingredients are still the same. We are and always will be vulnerable to personal extinction! No amount of money, success, power or influence will change this fact and we know it. Not accepting our inherent vulnerability leads to resistance, fear, denial and avoidance. It also leads us to exerting power over others in dysfunctional ways.

Yet, our vulnerability is a huge strength. When we allow ourselves to experience our vulnerability rather than try to avoid it with bravado and thrill seeking experiences, we can learn to navigate and flow through the waters of life. When we accept our vulnerability and see it as a strength, no-one can threaten us! At the point of vulnerability our world is being challenged and this gives us a tremendous opportunity to let go of our old dysfunctional rules, seek new supportive perspectives, engage our creative self, broaden our thinking and engage with our emotional intelligence.

Our strength comes through acceptance and our weakness is our resistance to the truth!


Emotions: Express or repress or is there another way?

Nov 8, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

All our emotional responses are effectively ‘power houses’ of one sort or another. They bring a great deal of energy, focus or release that is needed for our bodies and mind to remain in flow. They are essential signals that we need to give our attention to. There are messages for us to learn and actions for us to take on the basis of what we are feeling. None of the emotions is actually negative in that respect. We  may not particularly like the feeling of an emotion, but when we get caught up in our dislike we lose the ability to listen for the underlying message, try to avoid the emotion and, subsequently our development is stalled.

As we learn the messages of the emotions we can move to a positive expression of the emotions, which is neither expression (blasting our emotions onto others) nor repression (holding it inside as if it hasn’t happened). Noticing the fluctuating nature of the emotions helps us to feel confident that no matter what we are feeling in any one moment it will pass. All emotions will pass – good or bad. Trying to hang on to the good ones and not feel the bad ones prevents their natural flow, creates blocked energy and leads to physical and mental problems including illness & disease. Spend the day noticing your emotions – without judging them as good or bad, know that they will pass, and ask yourself – ‘What can I learn from this, such that I no longer feel threatened by what I am experiencing?’

Fear of fear: What are we so afraid of?

Nov 5, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

What are we so afraid of?

What stops us doing all that we know we need to do to get where and what we want?

Do we really just fear the feeling of fear itself?

Fear is given such bad press and so inaccurately too. We are deemed weak if we feel fearful and therefore a lesser human being. Yet, the reality is that fear is a gift. People who do not acknowledge they feel fearful can be reckless and are a danger to themselves and society as they engage, unwittingly, in activities that could cause harm and even death. In our adrenaline junky culture we might praise this fearlessness, but really it is nothing more than denial of one of our most important emotional messages. Denied fear then becomes internalised and will emerge at impromptu moments in order to be heard. Panic and anxiety that can seem irrational and out of context may come to the surface to urge us to listen to, and act upon, the messages of fear. When we try to ignore fear or force it to go away we lose our ability to think calmly and act appropriately. We become a shadow of ourself, we hide from the world and find security in nothing. Fear will never go away, because if it did we would become as dysfunctional as we are when in denial of fear! We need to work with our fears in a healthy and positive way. Firstly, though we need to drop the crazy idea that fear is a weakness!

Fear is one of our greatest strengths and critical for our survival. It alerts our senses. It wakes us up, swiftly and with a sense of urgency (not panic) to any perceived threat to our safety and when we respect this fact we can operate calmly and seemingly without fear. Fear in this positive aspect is being allowed to flow. Our mind becomes clear and focused and there is no sense of panic. It is as if in this space time actually slows down and we make the right choices in that moment – choices that will ultimately help to save our life. Those choices may be to run, fight or stay still. Fear is one of our greatest strengths when we direct the energy of fear rather than fearing the feeling of fear itself. When we respond appropriately to the early feelings of fear we will take on the challenges that life presents us and achieve all that we desire.

The Rainbow of Life

Nov 1, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

I watched a rainbow this morning as it spanned its way between the darkest clouds in the sky to the brightest sunshine. The colours bridging the gap between the darkness and the light could easily represent the depth and richness that bridges the duality of life. Irrespective of whether we feel the darkness or light in our life, the colours are still there – linking one aspect with the other. Always, inseparable, connected and interlinking much like the connection between the living and those who have died. We cannot physically touch that rainbow, but we can see its beauty and ability to shine through the stormy weather, providing the light of hope and transformation. And when it has done its work it fades, ever so gently into the sky and the duality appears once again – separated. We can still see the colours as we reflect in our own darkness and we can ride on the waves that connect us to our light just as soon as we feel we are ready to do so. Be that rainbow in the sky, feel its energy and flowing nature and bridge the duality of life.

Is Grieving Selfish?

Oct 29, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

Having asked the question on Twitter, I thought I would follow up with my thoughts on this!

Grieving is a term used to describe our mental, emotional and physical response to the loss of someone or something that we considered important, or even precious. Therefore grieving, by very definition is a personal response. It is our internal response to something we have categorised in a particular way. Therefore it is of our self. (In terms of self here, I am also including the many conditioned influences that have made us who we are – such as our parents and grandparents and their parents and so on – which technically means our grief may actually be the grief of others! But, until we wake up to that it is our grief because we are carrying it within us.)

Grieving can be extremely selfish (concern for self). For example, when the person who is grieving cannot cope with their own responses, bury them deeply and then behave as if nothing is wrong or work to avoid the situation. They stop engaging fully and openly with others, including their other loved ones, because they can’t cope. The irony is that this type of selfish response is detrimental to ourselves (because we bury deeply that which we need to address) and to others because we also stifle their expression, causing them to bury it too! Alternatively, we thrash out our feelings and thoughts. We project them all over the place causing much confusion and hurt to others, which in turn hurts us too. Neither response is effective and both are selfish because they negatively impact others.

When we have a good understanding of ourself,  a high level of emotional-awareness and we are in ‘balance’ our responses, even in grief, can be healthy, supporting of others and enable us to evolve through grief with a new perspective, stronger and with higher self-esteem. This is selfless grief.

Grieving is selfish, when we are destructive to ourselves and to others. It is healthy when we grow, learn, love and transform.

Personal Responsibility: Is it really possible?

Oct 25, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

What does it mean to be personally responsible?

Is it possible for personal responsibility to become the normal way of being?

What proportion of the population is required in order that those who do not take personal responsibility have less impact on the world?

I was talking to someone last night who said personal responsibility is not an option. He said that it just couldn’t happen – it is impossible. This same person is obese and currently getting free attendance at one of the dieting clubs available through his GP, even though he could afford to pay for it easily himself. This same person suggested the way forward for obese people was actually for them to be sent on a boot camp for a period of time whereby habits could be installed. This same person felt that the government should pay for this because it would cost less than the treatment programmes they currently have to pay for. Whilst I can see his perspective, there is not even an iota of personal responsibility in this approach to life.

And, sadly, he represents a huge section of our Society.

If the man cannot take personal responsibility for his condition and then gets his treatment paid for, what hope is there of him remaining anything other than dependent? Life is easy, it is simple and it is comfortable!

And if we cannot take responsibility for our behaviours – which are easy to see – what hope is there of us taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, choices and decisions? What hope is there of us realising that we need to take care of these things? Anything less is making us powerless. Anything less results in low self-esteem and low confidence – even if we still attempt to BS our way through life in our denial and arrogance, only too ready to share our ideas as to what the government should do in order to save us!

It is thought that all is needed to shift the balance of power – to those who are willing to take personal responsibility and lesson the impact of those who are not is the square root of 10% of the population (of a city, town, country etc). That is not a significantly big number – so for those of us willing, keep it up. Don’t be swayed into the swamp of dependency and sell your soul!

Is the World a more Aggressive Place?

Oct 22, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

Is it just me or does the world seem to be imploding with aggression and war? No longer do we have the mass scale of victims suffering during the first and second World Wars but instead we have a different type of war. Even at an individual level we can see a greater level of intolerance and disrespect for our fellow man. Indiscriminate acts of violence and killing appear common place!

Are we feeling more threatened then ever before?

At least we knew where the fight was coming from in the past. War had a kind of honour code that is not longer present in the modern day fighting. Individuals, indiscriminately killing innocent bystanders – what is that all about? Do we have a bigger Mental Health problem than we are able to cope with or are people simply going stir crazy as the world on a greater scale seems to be suffering at more than an economic level.

Is there something to be said for the prophecies of 2012?

Rising stress levels, no sign of a lifting of the debt situation, little optimism for the immediate future and the news media portraying nothing other than cheating super athletes, abusive superstars, aggression and war and individual random murders on a scale I certainly haven’t seen before.

Are we in danger of going mad or are we already there?

The only way out is at an individual level – it is each and every one of us who can and will make the difference in the end. No government, committee or other authority can do that for us and waiting for that to happen leaves us powerless in the process!

The Cost of Silence – Sexual & Domestic Abuse

Oct 16, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

Are we so fearful of our own security – be that our job, our friends or even our family, that we would rather sell our souls to the devil than speak up? What is the cost of this ‘silence’?

2 women are killed every week in the UK by their male partners!

Abuse of any kind has never been acceptable – you need look at any religious text (which is supposed to be the ultimate guide to being a good human being) to know this – and yet, for years (and even today) all forms of abuse are swept under the carpet – ignored, justified and even considered appropriate in some circles. Psychological abuse (mental and emotional) is much harder to detect and prove of course than physical violence and sexual abuse, but the damage is present, whether we want to see it or not! This has to change and the only way it will is if we all stand up and shout. It is time to put our own fears aside for the sake of the betterment of society.

The recent events coming to light – Jimmy Savile & Justin Lee Collins clearly demonstrate the challenges faced by the victims of abuse, of all kinds. The ‘cost of silence’ may be too great to conceive. But those looking on who do nothing, who justify the behaviours of abusers or who simply do not want to ‘see’ the truth are as guilty as the perpetrators themselves.

  • Just because you are married doesn’t entitle you to treat the other person how you want to!
  • Just because you can doesn’t make it right to sexually abuse a child (See Cassie Moore’s new book – following 45 years of abuse starting as a child being sexually abused by her step-father at the age of 4!) Go to the following link to support Cassie’s End The Tears Campaign, to eradicate domestic and sexual abuse, and get her book called  Did You See Me Crying
  • Just because you want to, doesn’t make it right. It’s time to develop a little self-control and respect for others and drop the self-obsessed, jealous, vindictive, aggressive and insecure behaviours that result in the inflicting of a life of pain on other people.

No-one ASKS to be abused. No-one DESERVES to be abused. No-one SHOULD SUFFER abuse. But the words in capitals if you haven’t already noticed are the words abusers use to justify their actions!

What are we teaching our children?

Past Influence on Present

Oct 11, 2012 | Posted in: Blog

“There is an elephant in my living room”

Even in our families we hide things from each other, deny the truth and avoid those things we don’t want to acknowledge or deal with. We add to this cocktail with those things that are beyond our sight, beyond awareness and that we wish to remain blind or ignorant of. Yet, ignorance does not create bliss. It creates pain and suffering. It results in blocked energies, discontent, agitation, fear and feeling out of place. Incongruence – out of alignment – and treading on egg shells we learn to navigate the waters of these relationships – the cost to our sanity and our Soul is immense!

In this familial environment we carry the burdens of those who have gone before – taking them on as if they are our own and as a result we can never create the life of our dreams. We are constrained by our past and that past is not even our own – it is the past of others and it is stopping us living our life. Waking up to the truth that lies within our relationships to others is part of our evolution, happiness and success. It’s time well spent if you want to be yourself.